30 Ways to Make your lover Happy Today

Just thought I’d give all of you a nice list of things to think about. This list is just to spark some ideas, Make your loved one happy today!

1. Smile.
2. Help them carry something.
3. Send an I love You email.
4. Call just to see how they’re doing.
5. Pick them flowers.
6. Cook them a nice meal.
7. Tell a joke and laugh your butts off.
8. Clean.
9. Write a love letter to your lover
   
10. Give them a cherished book.
11. Bake cookies.
12. Praise them publicly.
13. Thank them for a job well done.
14. Listen.
15. Be there when they’re in need.
16. Give a free hug.
17. Spend time with them, having fun.
18. Do errands or chores for them.
19. Say I love you.
20. Help them get ahead.
21. Be proud of them.
22. Cuddle with them while you watch a movie together
    
23. Create a care package.
24. Coffee. Mmmm.
25. List the things you love about them.
26. Secretly leave them thank you notes.
27. Give a back rub when appropriate. Oooohh !!
    
28. Deliver a nice lunch to them when they’re having a rough day.
29. Love them, completely.
30. Be happy yourself.

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Eight Deadly Sins in a Relationship

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” - Emily Kimbrough

While I can’t claim to be the world’s foremost expert on relationships, I’ve learned the deadly sins of relationships through my past relations, and how to recognize them and avoid them.

A reader, newly married, asked me to share my tips on how to make a marriage work. I wish I had a magic formula, but here’s a simple list of tips:

• spend time alone together;
• appreciate each other;
• be intimate often;
• talk and share and give.

But just as important as what you should do is what you shouldn’t do — and I’m sure many of you have stepped into these pitfalls yourselves. I know I have. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and have learned to recognize when I’m making a fatal error, and how to correct it.

If you can avoid these eight things, and focus instead on doing the four things above, you should have a strong relationship. I’m not going to guarantee anything, but I’d give you good odds. :)

1. Resentment. This is a poison that starts as something small (”He didn’t get a new roll of toilet paper” or “She doesn’t wash her dishes after she eats”) and builds up into something big. Resentment is dangerous because it often flies under our radar, so that we don’t even notice we have the resentment, and our partner doesn’t realize that there’s anything wrong. If you ever notice yourself having resentment, you need to address this immediately, before it gets worse. Cut it off while it’s small. There are two good ways to deal with resentment: 1) breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all; none of us is perfect; or 2) talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you (not just for you); try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.
2. Jealousy. It’s hard to control jealousy if you feel it, I know. It seems to happen by itself, out of our control, unbidden and unwanted. However, jealousy, like resentment, is relationship poison. A little jealousy is fine, but when it gets to a certain level it turns into a need to control your partner, and turns into unnecessary fights, and makes both parties unhappy. If you have problems with jealousy (like I once did), instead of trying to control them it’s important that you examine and deal with the root issue, which is usually insecurity. That insecurity might be tied to your childhood (abandonment by a parent, for example), in a past relationship where you got hurt, or in an incident or incidents in the past of your current relationship.
3. Unrealistic expectations. Often we have an idea of what our partner should be like. We might expect them to clean up after themselves, to be considerate, to always think of us first, to surprise us, to support us, to always have a smile, to work hard and not be lazy. Not necessarily these expectations, but almost always we have expectations of our partner. Having some expectations is fine — we should expect our partner to be faithful, for example. But sometimes, without realizing it ourselves, we have expectations that are too high to meet. Our partner isn’t perfect — no one is. We can’t expect them to be cheerful and loving every minute of the day — everyone has their moods. We can’t expect them to always think of us, as they will obviously think of themselves or others sometimes too. We can’t expect them to be exactly as we are, as everyone is different. High expectations lead to disappointment and frustration, especially if we do not communicate these expectations. How can we expect our partner to meet these expectations if they don’t know about them? The remedy is to lower your expectations — allow your partner to be himself/herself, and accept and love them for that. What basic expectations we do have, we must communicate clearly.
4. Not making time. This is a problem with couples who have kids, but also with other couples who get caught up in work or hobbies or friends and family or other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. And while spending time together when you’re with the kids or other friends and family is a good thing, it’s important that you have time alone together. Can’t find time with all the things you have going on — work and kids and all the other stuff? Make time. Seriously — make the time. It can be done. I do it — I just make sure that this time with my wife is a priority, and I’ll drop just about anything else to make the time. Get a babysitter, drop a couple commitments, put off work for a day, and go on a date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive date — some time in nature, or exercising together, or watching a DVD and having a home-cooked dinner, are all good options. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together.
5. Lack of communication. This sin affects all the others on this list — it’s been said many times before, but it’s true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. Communication doesn’t just mean talking or arguing — good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings — being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy — rather than criticizing. Communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems — communicate the good things too (see below for more).
6. Not showing gratitude. Sometimes there are no real problems in a relationship, such as resentment or jealousy or unrealistic expectations — but there is also no expression of the good things about your partner either. This lack of gratitude and appreciation is just as bad as the problems, because without it your partner will feel like he or she is being taken for granted. Every person wants to be appreciated for all they do. And while you might have some problems with what your partner does (see above), you should also realize that your partner does good things too. Does she wash your dishes or cook you something you like? Does he clean up after you or support you in your job? Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way.
7. Lack of affection. Similarly, everything else can be going right, including the expression of gratitude, but if there is no affection among partners then there is serious trouble. In effect, the relationship is drifting towards a platonic status. That might be better than many relationships that have serious problems, but it’s not a good thing. Affection is important –everyone needs some of it, especially from someone we love. Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often.
8. Stubbornness. Every relationship will have problems and arguments — but it’s important that you learn to work out these problems after cooling down a bit. Unfortunately, many of us are too stubborn to even talk about things. Perhaps we always want to be right. Perhaps we never want to admit that we made a mistake. Perhaps we don’t like to say we’re sorry. Perhaps we don’t like to compromise. I’ve done all of these things — but I’ve learned over the years that this is just childish. When I find myself being stubborn these days, I try to get over this childishness and suck it up and put away my ego and say I’m sorry. Talk about the problem and work it out. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to apologize. Then move past it to better things

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5 ways to have more Passion And Excitement In Marriage

Tell me if this has happened to you: You wake up one morning several years into your marriage and wonder how in the world did I end up here? Not wondering this in an overly negative way, as in I can’t believe I am with this person (although that may indeed be the case) but instead wondering how marriage ended up being so far from what you thought it would be.

Think about it. How did you think marriage would be when you were growing up? Did it look anything like what you are experiencing? There are very few people that when honestly assessing their life, can say that everything turned out thus far like they dreamed.

Many people go into a marriage with an ideal in mind. After saying “I do” to him or her, life will be happily ever after. Long walks on a sunset beach, hand in hand, staring into each others eyes, and then making love in the morning with the cool breeze through the window and the birds singing in the trees… Blah, Blah, Blah. If you are married, you know full well that this fairy tale seldom, if ever occurs.

Many people also don’t go into a relationship having thought through worst case scenarios. What’s the worst that could happen in a marriage? Is it the prospect of divorce? Maybe. For me, the worst case scenario would be marital monotony. Settling for the same thing each and every day for as long as we both shall live. Where do I sign?

How do so many marriages end up ho-hum? I think the answer lies in this statement: people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty.

They choose to settle with their spouse. The idea becomes “well if this is as good as it’s going to get, ok,” or “they are never going to change so I might as well get used to it.” In this scenario, the only thing left to do is wait for death, which may be a long way off.

So what’s the secret to a lasting marriage? It’s simple, two people who choose to stay together. That’s it.

But what’s the secret to a passionate and adventurous marriage? Glad you asked.

At first guess, your answer may be love. The cynic Ambrose Bierce defines love as “a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.” The answer really lies in the realization that marriage is not about happiness, it’s about the two people becoming better humans.

Marriage done right is a people growing machine.

Marriage will test you, stretch you, and cause you to grow. This is inherit in every committed relationship. We want the best from them. They want the best from us.

Rather than making marriage more complicated than it has to be, here are 6 principles that are key to adding passion and energy to marriage.

1. Grow spiritually. Whether you believe in God or some other higher power, it’s safe to say that many people believe there is a spiritual nature around us. We are interconnected to the world. The spiritual nature of the world frees us from acting as the end-all-be-all. It’s not our responsibility to keep the world functioning. But I am connected to the world around me. To others around me.

To grow spiritually, I need to acknowledge this interconnectedness and seek to serve others. To love more. To give more of myself.

2. Learn to live complaint-free. The world around us is not as many would like it to be. Things don’t always go our way. It’s easy to react to life’s disappointments by complaining. The problem is, complaining doesn’t help the situation. It’s like sitting in a rocking chair. It’s comfortable, and you may even feel like you’re getting something done. But you don’t end up going anywhere. Offer solutions to life’s problems rather than complain. Take action in life and marriage and you won’t have time to complain.

3. Live passionately. There’s countless ways to go about living passionately. Do the work you love. Give to a cause you care deeply about. Serve others. With so many ways to live with passion, there are still many of us who struggle to make it happen.

In order to discover your passion, grab a cup of coffee and a some paper. Spend a morning with these questions:

What excites me in life?
What stirs something deep in my soul?
What can I offer to others that no one else can?

Begin by writing down initial reactions in the form of lists, then work to narrow it down to the main ideas. There’s your passion. The next step is up to you. What keeps you from living from your passion?

4. Have sex. While this may appear to be one of those no-brainer principles, you’d be surprised at the number of married couples that have trouble in this area. Now before you head off and have sex with someone other than your spouse, realize that research continues to say that the marital bed is still the hot bed of sex. However, every couple is not immune to difficulties in this area of the marriage.

Men and women are different when it comes to sex. I realize this is not groundbreaking news but it plays a major role. First, there are biological differences. Research shows that most men need about a second on average to be interested in and ready for sex. If you’re an older male, it may be 2 seconds. Women on the other hand, need about 20 minutes. When you add to this that research also shows the length of time sex actually lasts is 3 minutes, it’s no wonder there may be problems. 17 minutes after sex if over, the woman is ready.

Second, more than just an act, sex is a language. You communicate in many ways during sex. Likes, dislikes, love, passion, energy, fears, disappointments.

5. Live in community. Much like the first point, life is better when we live in community with others. Aligning yourself with others who have similar dreams and goals will produce a tremendous synergy. You can feed off each other. The same is true when it comes to couples. Seek out other couples with similar philosophies on life. Spend time with friends. Dream together. You will find that other people can be a great resource to challenge you to get more out of life.

We are relational beings. Things are better when shared with others.

That’s it. Tell me how you felt about it- in your comments...

Photo Courtesy : http://flickr.com/photos/pedrosimoes7/2304375417/

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50 Ways to Be Romantic - in an inexpensive way

Look for little, inexpensive ways to be romantic, and it will pay off for your relationship in innumerable ways.

Why inexpensive? Well, you could rent a limo and take your love to an expensive chinese or Italian restaurant, or take him/ her off to a trip to the snow-capped Alps, or rent a stadium and make her feel special while the melodious Kenny G's music plays in the background.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t afford to do that kind of stuff more than a few times a month. The rest of the time, I have to resort to inexpensive ways. he he

Before we get into the list, let’s look at a few notes on how to use the list:

1. Weekly dates I recommend you have a date at least once a week with your partner. It doesn’t have to be an expensive one, but at least find some way to spend a couple hours time together.
2. Communicate. Romantic gestures don’t take the place of real communication. Take time to talk about your goals, your dreams, your plans for the future, your current lives, things you’re happy about, things you love about the other person, things you’d like to work on, things you’re grateful for.
3. Inspiration. This list contains a lot of obvious stuff — you could probably come up with twice as many good ideas yourself. But the list doesn’t aim for originality — it aims to be an inspiration. Pick and choose some good ideas, or use it to spark some of your own. Sometimes we just need a little reminder.
4. Forget Valentines. Boycott Valentine’s Day, as it makes people think they should be romantic on special occasions. Instead, pick one of these ideas and do it any day of the week — no need for a special occasion.

OK, enough talk. Let’s look at some ways to be romantic without breaking your budget (note to my mom: don’t read this, as there are a couple of sexy-time things later on):

1. You can write a poem for your beloved.
   
2. Cook a romantic dinner.
   
3. Give a full body massage. oooh ! Its lovely !!
   
4. Pack a sunset picnic.
5. Pick wildflowers on the way home.
6. Burn a CD with love songs
   
7. Give dark chocolates.
8. Read poetry together.
9. Prepare strawberries with fondue chocolate.
10. Snuggle together on a rainy day.
11. Leave little love notes everywhere.
12. Send a love email every day.
13. Take a moonlit walk on the beach.
14. Snuggle together while watching romantic movies (Casablanca, Audrey Hepburn are my favs).
15. Get good wine, watch shooting stars under the sky, while holding each other.
    
16. Take a bath together (use bubbles!).
17. Bring home good coffee or a decadent sweet.
18. Take a walk down memory lane — visit some of the special places from your early days of dating.
19. Make warm chocolate cake for dessert.
20. Make a scrapbook with photos, mementos, and little notes from you lives together.
21. Kiss in the rain.
22. Ride a ferris wheel.
23. Sneak away from a party and make out.
24. Bring home great take-out, and light some candles.
25. Fix something or fix up the house just to make your partner happy.
26. Slow dance to romantic music.
27. Take a nap together.
28. Kiss slowly, touching his or her back and neck and nape — slowly.
29. Make a list of everything you love about him or her.
30. Write a love letter.
31. Clip or email things that make you think of him or her, every day.
32. Go to a movie, ignore the movie, and make out like teen-agers.
33. Groom yourself, and try to look good for your partner.
34. Take some quiet time and talk about your day.
35. Write little notes, one for each way he or she drives you crazy.
36. Feed each other grapes.
37. Recreate your partner’s favorite romantic movie scene.
38. Pretend you’re going on a first date — show up at the door with flowers, all dressed up, with your car washed and cleaned, looking spiffy. Recreate the first time.
39. Create a little box with a bunch of your partner’s favorite things inside.
40. Paint each other with flavored body paint. Be creative!
41. Try some sexy role-playing. Get dressed up, be daring, have fun.
42. Give a little token to your partner to wear, and say it’s to remind him or her all day that you love them.
43. Sing a favorite song to him or her. Only do this if you can sing fairly well.
44. Have dinner on the roof, with some candles. This doesn’t work if your roof slopes sharply.
45. Hold hands, and walk somewhere with lots of pretty lights.
46. Say I love you. In a different way, every day.
47. Blindfold your partner. Use a feather. Slowly.
48. Declare your love, very publicly.
49. Fruit or berries and freshly made whipped cream.
50. Play Sade. Do what comes naturally. Slowly.

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